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What Defines Us in Life: Embracing Faith and Letting Go of Control

Life often reminds us that we are not always in control, and this truth can be unsettling. For those of us who find peace in stability and certainty, moments of chaos or unpredictability can feel overwhelming. Living in a restless world like ours can be a challenge for those who find peace in stability. On Wednesday night, I have faced a harsh reminder of this. A sudden, major, yet familiar panic attack hit me out of the blue, with no warning signs. It is a physical manifestation of the mind and body’s struggle to cope with the unknown.

As the pressure built in my chest, my stomach churned, and dizziness overtook me, it felt as if my legs were about to give way. Tyler was traveling, and I was home alone with Tobias. Though Tobias was safely in his chair, the thought of fainting while he needed me was terrifying. These attacks are not new to me. 

At the start of Tobias’ healing journey, they happened daily. Over time, they lessened, and I hadn’t had one in 14 months—until now.

This experience forced me to reflect again on control, faith, and how we navigate life’s challenges. After Wednesday night, I was reminded of the importance of surrendering to God, leaning on our support system, and finding peace in what we can do instead of what just happened again. I still have to practice and perfect those practices. 

1. The Body Speaks: Recognizing the Signals

Our bodies are intricate messengers, often communicating emotions and fears we’ve buried too deeply to confront consciously. This panic attack wasn’t entirely surprising. I’d been reading the news, diving into the distress of wars and global conflicts. I did not practice self-care; no walks, no exercises, or reading a book. For someone like me, who needs to feel in control at the same time and needs a personal routine, stress built up fast without realizing it, and the world news turned into  the major trigger my mind and body couldn’t ignore. FIGHT or FLIGHT

Over the years, I’ve learned to read my body better. Early in Tobias’ healing journey, I fought these attacks with resistance, only to find them growing more intense. I got better with it; meditation has helped me a lot over the years. This time I just knew how ugly it can get,  I chose a different approach. Instead of fighting it alone, I acknowledged what was happening and sought help. I called Mandy, who came immediately to care for Tobias and me. Later, Eme and her family arrived to stay the night, providing the comfort and support I needed to feel safe.

Lesson learned? We are simply not meant to face life’s challenges alone. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is listen to our bodies, ask for help, and allow others to share the load.

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2. Control: A Double-Edged Sword

One of my greatest challenges in life is the need to be in control. It’s both a strength and a vulnerability. On one hand, it helps me manage the responsibilities of caring for Tobias and navigating the complexities of life. On the other hand, it leaves me vulnerable to the overwhelming realization that not everything is within my power.

During the panic attack, my body and mind sent me a clear message: “You are out of control.” The fight-or-flight response took over, as it always does when we sense danger—whether real or perceived. But the reality is, life is filled with uncertainties, which we need to accept. As much as we try to plan and prepare, there will always be things beyond our control. It is ok, this is one way to learn to trust. Faith invites us to release the need for total control and trust that God is guiding us, even when the path feels uncertain. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for peace.

Scripture Reflection of mine:

• Book of Mormon: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
• New Testament: "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." (Matthew 6:34)

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3. Surrendering to Faith: Lessons from Tobias

Tobias has taught me so much about surrendering to life’s journey. Since his brain bleed, he has faced challenges that could easily lead to frustration or despair. Yet he approaches each day with faith, hope, and perseverance. He doesn’t resist what he cannot control; instead, he trusts in God and focuses on what he can do. One day his left leg moves like his right leg; the next day his left leg has no idea how to move. One day he answeres perfectly well, the next day, his brain only can say: I love you, so that I know he hears me, but the communication is not working in this moment. Frustrating. 

This week, after my panic attack, I reflected on Tobias’ healing process. I made such a progress this week, His communication was awesome. Still, it hasn’t been linear, but he doesn’t give up. He continues to pray for progress, trusting in God’s plan and believing that each day holds the potential for growth. His response to my praise for this week—“Let’s pray, so that I can heal next week even further”—reminded me of the power of surrender.

Faith isn’t about giving up; it’s about letting go of the need to control everything and trusting in the divine plan. Tobias teaches me daily that peace comes not from controlling every aspect of life but from trusting in God’s grace and timing. It feels liberating. 

My soul hungers for inner peace, which I find in nature, surrounded by the sounds of the forest and the presence of animals. Watching animals in their simplicity and harmony brings me a sense of calm that nothing else can. While life’s circumstances often limit my ability to physically immerse myself in nature, I’ve learned to adapt. Sometimes, simply watching a nature show is enough to help me come down and find that sense of connection I long for. Tonight I went on a walk, focusing on the cold air on my skin and the stillness. I felt good. 

We each need to find what nourishes our soul. For me, it’s nature. For you, it might be something different. The key is to identify what brings you happiness and peace and to prioritize it in whatever way you can. By feeding our souls, even in small ways, we build the resilience to face life’s unpredictability with grace and faith.

Scripture Reflection of mine. 

• Book of Mormon: "Be still and know that I am God." (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16)
• New Testament: "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

4. Finding Peace in Chaos

During the panic attack, I felt like I was sitting in a roller coaster, physically and emotionally. As unsettling as it was, I realized that peace doesn’t always mean the absence of chaos. Sometimes, peace is simply the ability to find a calm center in the midst of a storm. I knew I would be fine. 

For me, that calm center came from knowing that Tobias was safe and that help was on the way. It came from the kindness of Mandy and the presence of Eme and her family, who filled my home with love and support. Most importantly, it came from the decision to let go of the need to fix everything in that moment and simply rest.

This experience reminded me that peace is a practice. It’s about choosing to focus on what we can control—our actions, our thoughts, and our faith—while surrendering the rest to God.

Scripture Reflection of mine:

• Book of Mormon: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you." (John 14:27)
• New Testament: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

5. Letting Go: A Lifelong Journey

The hardest lesson in recent years,  I had to learn and still have to master is that life is not meant to be fully controlled. As much as I want to create a safe, predictable world for myself, Tyler, and Tobias (since we are living in one household), there will always be things we cannot foresee or manage. This truth is both humbling and liberating.

My soul hungers for inner peace. More than ever to be honest. The world around me became so loud, restless and not really predictable, which makes me long for peace even more. As a young child and teenager, I walked a lot in the woods behind my house because I felt home there. I either went jogging or simply just sat on a picnic table on top of a hill a the edge of the woods overlooking the villages in the far distance. I have learned way back in my youth that nature, being surrounded by the sounds of the forest and the presence of animals, gives me the inner peace I need to feel alive and content. Watching animals in their simplicity and harmony brings me a sense of calm in the midst of a storm that nothing else can. While life’s circumstances  now limit my ability to physically immerse myself in nature on a regular basis, I’ve learned to adapt. Sometimes, simply watching a nature show is enough to help me calm down and find that sense of connection I long for. Going on a little walk with Tobias or sitting outside in our yard will do it, too. 

We each need to find what nourishes our soul. For me, it’s nature. For you, it might be something different than for me. The key to finding your soul's happiness is to identify what brings you peace and to prioritize it in whatever way you can. By feeding our souls, even in small ways, we build the resilience to face life’s unpredictability with grace and faith.

Scripture Reflection

• Book of Mormon: "Be still and know that I am God." (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16)
• New Testament: "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

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Conclusion: Living with Faith and Trust

This week’s panic attack was a powerful reminder of life’s unpredictability and my own limitations. But it was also a reminder of the strength found in faith, the importance of community, and the peace that comes from letting go. Tobias, with his unwavering hope and trust in God, continues to inspire me to face life’s challenges with courage and grace.As we move forward, let us remember that we don’t have to control everything. Peace comes not from certainty but from faith—from trusting that God is guiding us, even in the darkest moments. And when life feels overwhelming, let us lean on the people who love us, the faith that sustains us, and the knowledge that we are never truly alone. Take time to feed your soul. 

Find what brings you peace, and let it be your refuge in the storms of life.

Have a wonderful week, 

Katja, Tyler and Tobias