"Peace, joy and laughter under the rubble!"

"Tobias and his journey back into life (2)"

Today is a day of going deeper into the things which bother me. I write in my journal and some of I will share here in our blog. What makes me sad at times? Tobias and his inability to communicate with us! It is difficult to say, „das wird schon“, how do we know? Another feeling I carry around is, that I feel left alone from my heavenly father. I feel very blessed with material security, endless grateful for this. I mean, that I am missing the mental feel of safety currently. 

The deep feeling of content, what makes me realize, that God is always close by. I might not feel it because of the restless world we live in. The wars, the crazy people who do crazy things to kill others, the politicians who are ruled deep inside by a much darker site. Of course, not all leaders, but it feels like, that even the good people hiding behind a wall instead standing up for something much better. The light in the world is dim right now. I assume that it is difficult to feel the light when the light is getting dimmer and dimmer. How can I be a light if I cannot feel the light myself? 

Nevertheless, maybe God wants us to be within us, keep our light strong by being with us, not giving up the responsibility to others or even to him. Perhaps he wants us to be strong seep inside, helping others this way, feel the light by being there for others. Helping the ones who cannot feel light within themself. Life is very complicated. 

While I work with Tobias at night, I have usually lots of time to think, talk to him and listen to piano music.  Every night I massage his feet, I stimulate his toes, his foot. I use oils which smell good and suppose to have healing remedies. 

As I help Tobias to get ready for bed the other night, my thoughts went to Jesus. I remember reading in the bible,  the conversation Jesus had with Magdalena … I might have gotten the name wrong. It was about washing his feet and what a large task this was back in time. The master serving his servants. Jesus, I believe gave the two  sisters the opportunity to listen to him and to serve one another. They listened to Jesus preaching and one of the sisters washed his feed. It was something what showed respect and kindness.  As I massaged Tobias’ feed, I felt the sting. I felt the love Jesus has for his brothers and sisters. I felt the love he has for Tobias and for my family. He can not take a wand and make everything better, but he reaches out with his helping hands so that we can make things better for Tobias which hopefully will lead  to independence.

I realized the strenuous, but wonderful service we were doing in the past 18 month. All is based on love, hope, trust not on knowing that everything will be turning out the way we want it to be. Nevertheless, the chances are good, but only with continuous therapies, support, patience, kindness, respect etc.

Our night procedure, is a very intimate moment, a quiet moment. When I asked to tickle his left food then his left hand or arm, I often get the reward with a quick slow movement of the effected site and we both get a laugh. I don’t understand the brain and its capacity, but I believe that we all have great capacities. We can find those alone, or with help. We will assist Tobias now and hope that his brain builds those new promised Highways. 

His brain has shown us neuroplasticity by being able to make a step with his left leg, moving awkwardly his left arm and the news success is, that his little finger and his ring finger are showing movements. Tobias speaks much more, but very fast and unclear. Good things are happening, but without good therapies and our help, the stimulation would not happen. 

I love the opportunity to serve Tobias. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done in life. The work is physically straining and mentally as well.  I had a really tough upbringing with an addict as a mother. Still she tried her best at times and I still have learned to be a good mother from my mom but also from my grandma as a back up. As our kids were little, Tyler and I decided that one of us will stay at home. He was settled in the US, so it was clear, that it was me to stay home with the kids.  It was about the time, when young woman would go back to work soon after the child was born. I was certainly jealous of other moms who made it work,  the time they found to work and to find ways to enjoy their kids after work. Looking back, spending so much time with my children, making new memories and really getting to know them, was a good thing, I ended up finding a way to include work later as well, which gave a balance needed, just so much that I did not have to feel the guilt of not being there for my kids after school. Question: Have I always enjoyed my time as a mother: No.  Am I totally grateful to be a mother of my awesome children: YES 

Ultimately, weather a mother chooses to stay at home or work outside the home, the love, dedication, and impact she has on her children are what truly matter. Both path bring their own set of rewards, creating a beautiful tapestry of motherhood that is as diverse and unique as each family's story. 

  Today, year 2023, after being back at work for a few years, Tobias became my new responsibility. A 24-hour job, I am very ambitious and eager to learn about his brain, tailer his daily life activities accordingly and to proof one or the other person wrong. My ego speaks here :) of course.  In the beginning of the healing process, I prayed and placed Tobias in his arms, I needed to give up responsibilities. The feeling to be in charge of the healing process was so overwhelming. (doctor visits, therapies, in d the US and Germany, not knowing what it all means for my child.  I asked daily for guidance and prayed for his therapists and doctors, I still do, maybe not as consistently. Nevertheless, the day works so much better with a prayer.     Starting a hard day with a prayer can have several positive effects on your overall well-being and the way you approach the challenges ahead of you.

It helped to reduce stress and my anxiety I have once in a while, gives me comfort and assurance. 

It helps me to built resilience and strength since it does remind me of my inner strength and that I am not alone. I have a lovely husband who supports me while working had for all of us. 

That brings me to gratitude and positivity, it reminds me of the blessings I have received on our road of challenges. Expressing gratitude for blessings and seeking guidance cultivate a positive outlook, which can set the tone for the rest of the day. 

The best support I feel getting from a prayer is the perspective of life, of what is really important. It gives me a broader perspective of life. It reminds me of my values and priorities, helps me to focus on what really matters. 

Last but not least, my prayers help me to gain clarity in my decision-making process. Taking a moment to seek guidance and wisdom from a higher power can lead in general to better choices throughout the day. I often look at Tobias and wonder what he could need today. It often depends of his pain level. So very often, spontaneous thoughts and ideas came to my mind which made a difference in the rest of the day. 

My friend Alex and I are like two peas in a pot, always having a good laugh about ourselves. When it comes to our grown up children. We are super protective and a bit skeptical about leaving them in someone else's care. We know how important it is for our healing patients to get enough rest so their brains can soak up all the new stuff they've learned. Its crazy how many people have to stop after rehabilitation, due to limited insurance access or missing help at home. We are dead set on giving our patients a real chance to break their limits and reach their full potential. They deserve that shot, no doubt about it. 

The most important setting for Tobias is his family. He loves his family and thrives with us. He is endless grateful - he expresses his love to us frequently - families have so much power, families give strength and can keep us safe in a restless world. Even though, I can’t feel the presence of God all the time;  life just does not make always sense to me at times;  I did realize in the past 18 month again and again,  that a family, as a unit, is an godly inspired setting - a secret one - I recognize the effect of being here with us on Tobias, especially when we have the chance to be all together. It makes him laugh, gives him safety, 

support, he trusts and truly has made progress because of all the above. The effort we as a family put towards Tobias’ healing,  our wish for him to get his independent life back,  is great and finds endless energy within our family. 

I started up wondering about the presence of God in my lives and ended up seeing him at the end of this chapter in my own journey. We always appreciate prayers on the behalf of Tobias. If you like fasting, we appreciate your sacrifice and don’t mind if you include his desire to be independent again. Thanks for your faith, love and thoughts. 

Lots of love, 

The Dunn’s

Katja, Tyler, Emily, Chris, Eloise and Baby Boy (x) :), Tobias and Sebastian