Day 115 & 116 (Dec 15th - 16th) - Katja/Tobias post

 

December 15th: My day at the hospital was rather slow and uneventful. My mom would not say so, because of a mistake the nurse(s) made today. One of the morning nurses did not check off her 2 pm feeding so the second nurse came in and fed Tobias again at 3:30 pm. She was in a rush and decided to speed up the process. I did not like it and threw up a lot....A LOT! My mom was upset with the nurse. The nurse did not know what to do at that moment, so my mom had to take over, get a dish for me and start cleaning up. The nurse then got help and took over. 

I felt like in between and was not able to say anything to calm my mom down and to tell the nurse that it is ok., that I am ok. 

Nevertheless, the morning was good for me. The physical therapist came in to mobilize me. I was able to sit at my bedside, she stretched my feed and made me overall feel so much better. I was wiped out after these 40 minutes exercises. The speed therapist did not have a chance with me. So, she left. In the US, Tyler, my other speed therapist, was much tougher, he did everything to wake me up, sometimes I was able to participate, on other days I just slept through the session. Here again, you see how much energy moving costs and if your brain is insured, you simply sleep a lot to recover. I am here Folks, but my body and mind are just very tired, trying to figure out how to move my joints properly and how to get back on my feet again. It is ok. I wish I could tell my parents, that it is ok. Give it time. My mom is telling me quite often, that it is so nice to have me back. She can see in my eyes that I am there. She can see if I am a bit annoyed with her or others. She can tell if I am grateful or simply just content. That makes me comfortable, too. I do need that people believe in me. The MRI (MRT) came back uneventfully. It did not show any bleeding or the cause of the bleeding or any risk of future new bleeding. That is good news. My brain is healing, the damaged part of my brain is trying to heal and to rewire or perhaps find new ways. My REHA will start Monday. I will be transported at 8:30 am via a Krankentransport. My mom will take the car and meet me there. It is good for her, and the rest of my family, to be close to me. It is mental support for all of us. I mean, what has happened to me, does not just affect me, it is difficult for everyone in my family. We conquer this mountain. I am grateful for my family to be so devoted and supportive. 

My mom read a story to me today. An advent story, the story talks about an ant and his friend. 

The ant friend was buried under a large pile of sand. He eagerly wants to dig out his friend. So, the bear came and offered to help. The ant said: No, better not. You will very likely kill my friend. You are simply too big. Then the ant continued, moved one grain of sand at the time. The other ants noticed and helped my ant friend. Each of them, hundreds of ants, began carrying off one grain of sand at the time. His friend was freed at a faster speed. Before long, the entire pile was gone, and a little ant crawled out safe and sound. 

The bear was astonished and realized that it takes a whole family or a community to support one member, to protect each other, and to feel better about ourselves. 

My day ended by mom feeding me, making sure my teeth are cleaned to avoid any future cavities. My mom has not changed here a bit since I was little. I remember the strong focus on good dental care during childhood. Some things just never change. When I told her a long time ago starting college, that I brush my teeth while in the shower, she got upset with me, tried to convince me to change my evil act. You got to love mothers!

Mom turned a movie on before she left for the day. The rest is history. 

December 16th

Today is the 16th of December, one day later. I was awake in the morning, ready to get busy with extra stimulations. My mom was happy about it. She was so motivated to help me train my muscles. She asked me to move each finger up and down, asked me, put a weight in my hand so that I was able to lift it up and down. I had to move my elbow up and down as well. It is amazing how tiring those activities are on my brain and body. The speech therapist came later in as well. 

She basically did all the exercises my dad used to do at the U with me. I feel tired again, but I am sure that I can only rest a little. My mom went to the store to buy some delicious yogurts and a Smoothie. I must eat and drink a bit later to make sure that my brain gets all signals of how to eat and drink in a proper way again. Swallowing can be hard. I am happy with my process and so is my mom. I understand that life could be very different now. Another semester would be over and the study I was allowed to work on with some great people would have been really satisfying. I don’t know why I am here where I am, but I just got to do it. I trust in God, I trust in my family, I trust in the good care of my therapist and docs, what else can I do besides trusting and moving on. I need to stray positive! I want to go back to the GYM. I want to get back to BYU and continue with school. I want to hang out with my friends and move on with my life. I will work hard on getting there. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for praying for me and keeping me and my family in your thoughts. 

Your Tobias and Family.