Day 111 (Dec 11) - Emily post




Post from Emily: I last saw Tobias on October 9th in Salt Lake, which means it's been 63 days. Coming here today was very exciting. Tobias and I used to call each other every day, and lately I've been missing that a lot. 


It's 1pm and so far Tobias and I have started Home Alone, watched a few TED talks, and listened to some of our favorite songs. His heart rate is hovering around 100, sometimes more, sometimes less. Based on his facial expression (his only way of communicating with me so far), he's feeling pretty gross. I wish I could help him. I feel like we're both so limited in our abilities that we're not meeting each other in the middle, at the point where we understand each other. This is me definitely wishing telepathy was a thing. Putting myself in Tobias' shoes, I realize being asleep is probably much easier than being awake. There's no fight while you sleep, and for a short time, Tobias gets to forget what he can and cannot do. I wonder if he ever feels like he puts in so much effort, but doesn't see anything in return. 

The first nurse came by around 11 to give Tobias his meds, his brown bag of protein shake, and to reposition him. An aid came in the evening to reposition him, and she'll be back tonight to finish brushing his teeth. I'm glad for him to move to the rehab facility, where hopefully his days will be a bit more exciting. No doctor came by today, so I didn't get to ask if they could say for sure when that would be. On the plus side, he's getting lots of time to rest!

It's now 5pm and I'm going to end my post here. My feelings can't be put into words yet, and it's probably more fitting to write today's thoughts a journal, rather than a blog post. I'm going to go hang out with Tobias because he's awake and staring at a white wall. Being present is the greatest thing I can do for him, and I'm grateful for the chance to do so today.

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