Day 105 (Dec 5)

Tobias had a good day today.  His heart rate was in the 80s and dropped into the 60s after his shower.  He spoke well when I used the hot washcloth and cold liquid tricks, and he ate as well as he has ever done.  It was a good day to count as our last day in the rehab hospital.

I didn't hear back from the air ambulance company about whether I need to bring my own food and water for the flight.  It's late now and I'm just going to throw myself on their mercy.  I would expect that they will have planned food for all expected passengers and I've consumed enough calories in the past several weeks that I would be fine fasting for the entirety of the trip.  I've been a whirlwind of activity getting Tobias' things ready for the flight and I don't care whether they have food for me or not at this point.

Tobias had several visitors today.  His grandma and aunt went on a walk with us, he had some college friends drop in to wish him well and his cousin came to say his farewells.  One of the nurses from his ICU days came to his room to see him one last time before he heads back to Germany tomorrow and his physical therapist made sure to drop by since she wanted one last good bye..  It was a nice combination of well wishers and underlines how considerately we have been taken care of during this horrible injury.  There are too many people for me to mention and I have made a point to not name any of the medical team that helped Tobias.  We are grateful for the expertise and kindness that have been given to Tobias and to Katja and me.  We are happy to have Tobias transferred to Germany, but this is also an unknown system to us.  We've lived in Germany for many years and Katja is a native German, but we don't know how the medical system works with cases like Tobias.  Our research so far promises a professional level of care that is focused on the patient rather than the cost of care.  We hope this promise works in Tobias' favor and he is given the proper care for as long as necessary for him to return to us.

The weather was sunny again today, but the wind was stronger and colder and for the first time, Tobias elected to return to the hospital after 45 minutes.  This is probably my fault for not dressing him warmly enough, but the last several days it has been almost too hot with the amount of cold weather attire I was wearing and Tobias had on more than I did.  We went back to the hospital and met with his college friends in the foyer downstairs.  I gave Tobias a few hot water washcloths on his face and he became present and spoke as well as he has done at any time.  I also gave him some cold ice water and he continued to vocalize well.  Earlier in the day we were Facetiming with his mom and sister in Germany and he was able to say several words clearly.  His speaking is limited and he requires a lot of help to get his vocal chords engaged, but it is rewarding to hear Tobias' voice and he is making slow progress to speaking louder and more frequently.  He said something with his friends that surprised and delighted me, but I'm getting old and I can't remember what it was.  Normally he only speaks to answer questions, but this was something that he volunteered.

I spent my spare time during the day trying to organize his things here and decide what can go and what must stay.  I've packed his carry-on so tightly that it's density is dangerously close to collapsing in on its own gravitational pull and creating a mini-black hole.  My backpack is a close second.  Because we aren't allowed to bring a real suitcase, I'm trying to maximize what we can bring.  The remainder is packed into a suitcase that Sebastian will bring in a few weeks when he comes to visit us over Christmas.

I've still got to cart all the stuff that didn't fit into his carry-on back home to my sister's house and either fit it into the overflow suitcase or ask my sister if we can store it until we find another way to bring it to Germany.  The final few days have been hectic with a lot to do and many unknowns.  The unknowns have now all filled in and I'm happy that I will be with Tobias on the flight.  It's been busy, tiring and stressful, but I am relieved that tomorrow I get to return to my wife, my daughter and her family and my "regular" life in Germany.  It will be on much different terms than three months ago when we left as empty nesters, but despite the horrific events that we experienced and the dreams that have been taken from us, we are still standing.  We will find a way.  Tomorrow a new chapter in Tobias' recovery begins.

Hope over fear.